Earlier this week, I spoke to a group about hospitality.
As we enter a season where many of us will either open our homes to others, or
be the guests of others, it seems a good time to reflect on hospitality as a spiritual
practice.
Christian hospitality is more than good manners. Whether
we are the hosts or the guests, we should assume a posture of humility and
vulnerability. This is likely more obvious if we are the guest in the home of
another, but it should also be the case if we are hosting another in our home.
As the host, we assume the posture of a servant. As Parker Palmer suggests, we
let the stranger be a stranger. Even if our guests are family members, we allow
them the space to simply be themselves.
Yet many times, family gatherings can turn into efforts
at manipulation and domination, not expressions of love and humble service. If
you have shared a meal with family or friends, and the topic of conversation
has turned to what someone either at the table or absent from it has or hasn’t
done or should or shouldn’t do, you know it is not an open or welcoming place
to be. That is especially true if you are the target of another’s criticism or
manipulation, but even if you are not the target, such conversation is
uncomfortable and uncaring (although it may be couched as being for one’s own
good).
St. Augustine said, “The human race is inquisitive about
other people’s lives, but negligent to correct their own.” He says this because
some seemed to have a prurient interest in the sexual excesses of his life
prior to his conversion. When holiday gatherings become opportunities for
interrogation and criticism about the lives of family members either present or
absent, hospitality is nonexistent. This is true even if the inquisition is
framed as loving care or concern.
Augustine goes on to say, “A brotherly person rejoices on
my account when he approves me, but when he disapproves, he grieves on my
behalf.” True grief on behalf of another does not manifest itself in
manipulation and criticism. May we practice such hospitality this season that
others feel comfortable and welcome in our presence. Let us rejoice and grieve
with those with whom we share space, not criticize, manipulate or interrogate
them. Let us make space for grace and love.